One is the Loneliest Number - Living With Chronic Pain

So many people suffer with chronic pain and they suffer alone. No one really understands long lasting chronic pain unless they are, or have been unfortunate to experience it themselves. Sure every one has had a headache from time to time or an injury that was painful, but unless you live with it day in and day out for long periods of time, you do not understand living with pain. And those who live with someone with chronic pain can find it exhausting, for their lives totally change also. Many end up walking away because they just can't live with it anymore. But there are some of us, who are ever so fortunate to have a family who loves them no matter what and stands by them even though they can't truly understand what their loved one feels. All they know is that the one they love hurts, and there is nothing they can do to help.

Doctors don't really understand pain either. They know it's there but they don't know what to do for it. They write prescription after prescription, hoping that one drug will finally bring their patient relief. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. It may numb it or numb you, but you still feel it, it's always there. They may refer you to someone with more expertise in pain, but the wait to be seen may be long, very, very long. So they, along with your loved ones, feel helpless, they just don't know what to do.

Friends have a difficult time with pain also. I  had many who thought if I just got out for a walk or went for a drive I would feel better. What they didn't understand was even the thought of trying to get dressed to do that was almost impossible. Many friends give up, think you are faking, that no one could possibly be in that much pain, and they walk away. You can't blame them, they want to live and have fun and they can't do that with you. They just have know understanding of what you feel.

I have been living with chronic pain since July 2000. I kept thinking it would get better, it would eventually go away, that there must be something wrong with me, that it's all in my head. I went to my doctor thinking all I needed was pain medication, I was wrong. I tried seeing my chiropractor, who had helped me for many years prior to my injury, and he increased the pain. I had cortisone injections in my spine, still no relief. I saw orthopedic surgeons who said that surgery probably wouldn't help. So I continued with prescription narcotics and anti-inflammatory drugs and carried on going from bed to couch, couch to bed. My doctor referred me to the pain clinic a few years later, I was taught how to cope with my pain, exercises to strengthen my back, and ways to cope with stress. I have to say, that did help to some degree. The pain was still there, but I learned how to stop before it got unbearable. A few years later I was able to reduce my medication to a more acceptable dosage. I could get out and try to enjoy life again. The problem was, I may have felt better, but I was still terribly sore.

Now it is 2010 and I am back to where I was in 2000. My friend and I injured our backs at almost the same time this summer. The difference is, I am still here, she committed suicide. The pain, along with other issues in her life was far too much for her to handle. So she said good bye to everyone. So many people reach this point when dealing with constant pain, They see no end to it and no help anywhere in sight. A local psychiatrist also decided to end her life this year after many years of living in pain. It's not because they had no family or friends who cared for them, it was that this was the only way they saw to be pain free. I am still holding on to hope, hope that someone will hear me, that someone will be caring enough to push me through the waiting lists that specialists have, that someone will explain what the problem is that's causing the pain, that someone will lead me down the right path to recovery, or that someone will be willing to do surgery if that is what I need. Yes, I am holding on to hope because at this point, hope is all I have.


"One is the Loneliest Number" may be the title of a Beatles song, but it is also what living with pain feels like. You feel totally alone, like no one truly cares about the pain you feel, even if they say they do. There is no where to go and no where to turn for help. It's like hitting a dead end road and you stand there and feel so hopeless. There is no where to go but back, but you've already been there. Some days you just sit and cry, because there is nothing else to do. Sitting hurts, standing hurts, walking hurts and laying down is the only thing that brings you any kind of relief. So you lay there, and you lay there, and you lay there. And you pray, pray that someone out there cares enough to do something and make the pain go away. One is a very lonely number!